Shadow of a Moon 36

It took Dani almost an hour to coax Tarot out from under the bed and another two to finally convince him to retake his human form. Tarot would still give an occasional shudder and whimper but other than that seemed completely catatonic on the bed, clinging to the pillow as if it were an invincible shield against his tortured mind. His eyes were distant and hazy and Dani was truly worried about him. He wasn't at all sure what to do.

A ruckus down the hall drew Dani's attention and he reluctantly left the room to go see what was happening. Dani quickly discovered the cause of the ruckus. Jinx had woken to find himself in restraints and he had been deathly phobic of them for several years. He was fighting desperately to get loose. Suddenly, Jinx screamed for Tarot at the top of his lungs making Dani freeze with fear. He had no idea what his mate would do.

He had his answer a second later when Tarot suddenly appeared next to him. For a split second he seemed completely in control and confident again and then his eyes settled on Jinx restrained and struggling on the bed and backed up quickly with a sound of terror. He fell to the ground and nearly collapsed in on himself. Dani was there in an instant.

Brad cursed behind them and Dani glanced back long enough to tell that Jinx had gotten loose. Tarot was hyperventilating though and that took priority in Dani's mind. "Easy, Angel. It's alright." He cooed hugging his trembling mate tightly. Tarot was in the midst of a full blown panic attack. His breath coming fast and shallow while sweat beaded across his skin and his body shook uncontrollably. His body cracked and rippled as he started shifting in Dani's arms. In a matter of moments Dani was hugging a trembling wolf instead of a man. Mentally he cursed. He had just gotten Tarot back into human form.

Dani picked the large -yet still far too thin- wolf up and carried him back to their room. Tarot whimpered and squirmed but Dani ignored it. He was more than capable of carrying Tarot when he was this light. He set Tarot on the bed and sat down next to him. "It's alright, Angel. Nobody's going to hurt you." Dani said stroking his mate's furry head comfortingly.

Tarot slowly calmed but to Dani's dismay he returned to his near catatonic state of just staring distantly at nothing. Dani was honestly starting to worry that Tarot would never heal enough to leave the hospital. He certainly wasn't recovering by what Dani could tell. His memory had gotten a bit better but he was still entirely unpredictable and dangerous to himself.

The brunette sighed and lay down next to his husband, one arm around his wolf chest. "Things used to be so different." He whispered. "None of this horrible stuff to mess things up. The only thing I had to worry about was you molesting me in the middle of a movie or in the laundry room or god knows where else. Not that I minded all that much, mind you. I liked knowing that you were attracted to me. Once I got used to it...what I wouldn't give to just go back to that."

Tarot didn't seem to hear him. He just continued to stare at the wall with that horribly vacant look in his eyes. Dani sighed heavily. "I wish I could talk to you again. The real you. You always knew what to say. You could snap Jinx out of this whatever he's in and...and tell me everything's going to be alright. God, I'm such a selfish bastard. I know you're trying, Angel. I do. You're trying to come back. I just wish there was a way for me to help you. I feel so useless here, just watching you struggle. I should never have let you go on that stupid assignment." Dani closed his eyes and buried his face in Tarot's fur for a brief moment. "You wouldn't have gone if I told you not to. You always did that sort of thing. Damn you for being so bloody perfect all the time." He muttered.

Dani was absolutely ashamed when he felt the slow slide of a tear down his nose to seep into Tarot's fur. What did he have to cry over anyway? He wasn't the one who had been tortured beyond all reason. He wasn't the one that could barely function from moment to moment. Tarot had been. And Tarot had been crying regularly since he was rescued. Dani had to be the strong one for once. Dani steeled himself away and slowly sat up. He was going to be strong. As strong as he could be. Because that was what Tarot needed right now.

He left the room but only long enough to tell Conner that Tarot was probably not going to be able to talk to the therapist again today and to pass along the message. After that, he returned to Tarot's side where he simply held his mate as the hours slowly ticked by.

The kids came and went several times but still Tarot just lay there staring at nothing. Dani kept an eye on the feeding tube and made sure it continued to give his mate the nutrients he so desperately needed. Tarot had thankfully gained another pound last they checked but a single day could whittle that progress away to nothing if they let it. Not for the first time Dani cursed their fast metabolisms. It made putting on weight incredibly difficult and loosing it far too easy.

At one point, Brad came into the room and started chatting but Dani could tell it was only to distract himself from his own mate's problems. Brad didn't linger too long but Dani was mildly glad when he'd left as it was difficult to pretend things were going well with Tarot lying so limply in his arms.

Eventually, night overtook them and Dani drifted off to sleep with Tarot still firmly trapped to his side by his arm. Tarot didn't seem to notice Dani fall asleep, nor the arm wrapped around him. He didn't seem to notice anything. His mind was whirling beyond control and yet at the same time was strangely still.

Even if Tarot had the inclination to try and explain it he probably couldn't. It didn't make any sense to him anyway. If he had to he'd say it was like seeing a movie of someone sitting still. There were hundreds of frames passing by but it all blurred to form one stagnate image. Tarot was in no particular mind to do anything though. Laying there doing nothing seemed just as useful as sitting there trying to puzzle his own memories out. He was strangely fascinated by the fact he hadn't grown bored though. He could distinctly remember being called 'antsy' if he didn't have something to do and now he couldn't care less. He supposed that only cemented the fact that he'd irrevocably changed. He wasn't surprised but he wasn't quite sure how he felt about it either.

He slowly blinked at the wall, wetting his dry eyes. He supposed his morbid thoughts in the room were dead on after all. He really had died. Years ago if things were any indication. His body was all that had been left. Maybe he should fix that. At least then Dani wouldn't have to wait for him anymore. You can't wait for something that doesn't exist.